Once Upon a Pirate Ship
by Aetas
Summary: There comes a time during every author's life in which he or she finds themselves with no ideas. It's sad, but writer's block happens to us all. Today we'll explore what happens when a blocked writer's computer is left unattended for a bit too long...
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **PotC is not mine. Really.

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It was a dark and stormy night. A fanfiction writer sat before a computer, but was not typing anything. There was not a single word written the page.

"Let's see..." the author whispered aloud before slowly typing a few words.

_It was a dark and stormy night..._

"No, no, no..." The author cringes at the sound of such a cliche opening and presses the backspace button furiously.

_Once upon a time..._

No! That wasn't good, either!

"Crap! Why can't I get the opening right?"

More backspacing, then some biting of nails and chewing of pencil erasers and tapping of toes.

"Aha!"

_Once upon a pirate ship,_

" ... Shit. Writer's block. Hm."

The author stares at the screen for some time as if the story would just fall out of the sky and into the computer.

"Ahh... I guess I should take a break," the author decides. "Maybe I'll go take a shower or two to clear my head. Or maybe I'll walk down the block and get some coffee! Yeah! No, no, no, can't go anywhere in a storm like this. And my car convieniently broke down yesterday and is at the mechanic. Poo. Man, I really need to stop talking to myself."

The author gets up from the computer and walks out of room, still talking.

"Well, you know what they say, sometimes your stories can almost write themselves if you give them enough time. You know, I..." And the author's voice trails off into silence.

And then the author is gone and the room is finally empty.

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"Crckk, RainbowUnicorn to SparklyPhoenix, do you copy, over. Crckk." A voice broke the silence.

"Crckk, RainbowUnicorn, this is Sparkly Phoenix. I hear you loud and clear, over. Crckk," was the response.

"Crckk, I think we're clear. Prepare to move in. Over. Crckk."

"Crckk. Roger that. Over. Crckk." There was a brief silence once again before, "Crckk. Wait! I see movement. Do not move in, I repeat, DO NOT MOVE IN. Over. Crckk."

Pause. Silence. SUSPENSE!! Then a cat leapt off a bookshelf and darted out of the room.

"Crckk. Whew. False alarm. I repeat, it was a false alarm. We're clear to move in. Crckk."

Two figures scurry out from behind the computer desk. They were dark purple robes with the hoods pulled up over their heads so that their faces were left in shadow. They were small and munchkin-like in stature and-- Oh, you get the idea. They were small. They wore robes. You can't see their faces. The two figures settled into the previously vacated computer chair.

"Crckk. SparklyPhoenix, this is RainbowUnicorn," said the first voice. "Phase one of MarySue Sabotage is underway. I repeat, Phase --"

"Oh, will you stop with the walkie-talkie!" The second figure, who we now know as SparklyPhoenix, whacks the other one, RainbowUnicorn, upside the head with said walkie-talkie. "I'm sitting right next to you and can hear everything you're saying, for Chrissakes!"

"Ow. That hurt."

"And quite whining! We have work to do."

RainbowUnicorn whimpered pathetically. "Yes'm."

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**A/N:** Yes, I'm aware the first chapter doesn't make much sense. That's why it's called gasp a prologue! Which means all will be explained, darlings, never fear. Oh, and if you get a chance, please check out my other two PoTC stories/shameless plug.

You may hold all reviews until the first chapter is posted. Which should be soon. Thanks for reading. :)

**EDIT:** The prologue has now been edited so that it is no longer in script format. Thank you so much, Jinxeh, for pointing out that writing like that wasn't allowed. I really did appreciate it. :) Anyway, Chapter Uno is on the way. Hang tight.


	2. Commence MarySue Sabotage

**Disclaimer: **PotC belongs to Disney. Not me. Sadly.

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**PHASE TWO: Commence MarySue Sabotage **

After a moment or two of nothing much happening besides RainbowUnicorn wallowing in pain (That is, exaggerating), SparklyPhoenix spoke up.

"Now. Let's see what we have so far." SparklyPhoenix glanced over the screen, and read, "_Once upon a pirate ship_."

RainbowUnicorn looked up and made a face.

"That's it? Once upon a pirate ship _what_? Once upon a pirate ship the world exploded? Once upon a pirate ship I danced around in my underwear?"

SparklyPhoenix whacked RainbowUnicorn upside the head. Again. But without the walkie-talkie.

"Will you cut it out? Did you forget what we're doing here? It's _our_ job to say what happens once upon that pirate ship, dumbass."

This made RainbowUnicorn blush slightly, bashful.

"Oh. Right. Ha."

"Now stop fooling around," SparklyPhoenix barked. "We have a bad fanfic to write."

And so the two bad fanfiction writers began typing away, their little munchkin fingers plunking against the keys with determined ferocity. This story was going to get finished. But who said it was going to be good?

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Once upon a pirate ship, there was a pirate captain. Upon his pirate head he wore a pirate hat. He wore pirate clothes and had pirate air. Oh, and he also had pirate eyes, teeth, ears, you know. The whole nine yards. Anyway, this pirate captain on a pirate ship was sailing through pirate waters in the Caribbean. His pirate crew was having a hard time at the moment because of the terrible pirate thunderstorm that raged overhead.

"Captain!" One of the pirate crew gave a pirate shout --

// "Enough with the pirate stuff, okay?!" roared SparklyPhoenix.

RainbowUnicorn feigned an innocent look.

"What? I'm just trying to make a point!"

"Yeah, and I think they all get it now."

"Fiiine." \\

-- "What is it, Gibbs?" the _captain_ yelled back.

"We should drop canvas! The storm is too strong! The sails will be ripped to shreds!"

"Leave the sails!" the _captain_ shouted. "We'll make it!"

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She was laying on a beach. Her dress was ripped to shreds --

// RainbowUnicorn gasped in horror. "Hey! You used that phrase already!"

"Oh, shut up, will you!"

"Geeze... Aren't we sensitive..." \\

-- _ripped to shreds_. She had long straight black hair that flowed down almost to her feet. Her eyes (you would have seen them if they were open, but she was unconscious, so her eyes were closed, so you couldn't see them) were bright icy blue with purple and green speckles. --

// SparklyPhoenix stared in disbelief at what RainbowUnicorn had just written.

"... Purple and green speckles? What color are her eyes, vomit?"

RainbowUnicorn looked affronted.

"What?! All MarySues have to have either ice blue, purple, or green eyes. She has all three!"

SparklyPhoenix just siged. \\

-- Her skin was pale. You might think that it was because she had practically drowned, but actually her skin is always pale. Pale as a white sheet. Pale as chalk. Her name? Carapiolinkadinkymacopheniousolopolis-chan (The 'chan' came from her Japanese heritage, the rest her parents made up when they were high). Most people just called her Dinky. But she preferred Cara.

She had washed up from a shipwreck onto the island of Tortuga. --

// "... That's it?" asked SparklyPhoenix, waiting for RainbowUnicorn to type more.

"Yep, that's it," replied Rainbow Unicorn with a nod.

"That's it. That's all you're going to write for the first chapter?"

"Um, yeah. There's this thing called cliffhangers, ever heard of them?"

Sparkly Phoenix sighed. "This is going to take longer than I thought..."

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**A/N: **There. The first chapter. Enjoy. :)


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